Shards of Glass – Original Full Version
If shards of glass
Were to pierce my skin,
The pain I’d feel
Would be nothing.
Each cut brings
A fleeting sadness,
A momentary high,
A stillness
That makes me feel alive,
But soon
It says goodbye.
I don’t want to let go
Of the love I feel
And hold for you.
I never want
It to fade away,
Yet, despite all my efforts,
I feel it slipping,
Like grains of desert sand
Through my fingers.
As I look
Towards the future,
My mind clings
To memories of the past,
A time
That will soon be forgotten
In sadness,
As it couldn’t last.
A darkness grows
Deep inside me,
Clouding my thoughts
And my memory.
I look around.
But what do I see?
Blackness,
Coldness,
Nothing.
I look deeper
And smile.
The image of you remains,
Etched deep
Into the shadows
Of my crumbling mind.
I hold onto it dearly,
Now and always,
I won’t let go,
Ever!
With each passing day,
My heart breaks
A little more.
This burden grows,
Like gravity,
Increasing constantly,
Upon my body
And my mind,
Crushing me
Under its
Unbearable weight.
Your touch,
Your feel,
Your scent
All slowly drift away,
As tears
Roll down my face.
The pain,
I can’t stop it,
A darkness,
Noosed around my neck,
Strangles me
And won’t let go.
I’m losing my grip
On myself,
On reality,
On life,
On love,
On hope.
I keep trying,
But nothing works
To numb this pain I feel.
How will I cope?
So I find myself cutting,
With every shard of glass,
A memory,
A moment,
A fleeting feeling of desperation,
That I wish,
With all my heart,
Could last forever,Yet
I know
It never will.
A black hole
Appears at the centre
Of my heart,
Sucking away
Any light
And any hope
That still remains
Inside me.
Soon,
Only darkness,
The blackness and coldness
Of deep space,
Will remain,
Turning me into an empty shell
Of nothingness.
And so I cut,
More and more.
The pain I feel
On the outside
Feels like an escape
From this darkness,
A golden glow of eternal bliss,
Masking the inner darkness and pain
That will never stop expanding.
I sit here alone,
Thinking of the past—
No, I’m not alone.
You’re still here with me,
Your presence
Still surrounds me,
Whenever I close my eyes.
The love
You once had for me,
When you were alive,
Touched me,
Shaped me,
Made me who I am,
Gave me courage,
Hope,
Focus,
And drive.
It is still here.
I can feel it,
Trying to break free,
Trying to free me.
I just need to let it,
To trust in it,
And trust in you.
I know now,
In my heart
And in my mind,
You are still with me
Wherever I go.
And as the seasons change
And the years go by,
I have nothing to fear,
Because everything I am,
Everything I want to be,
Is already a part of me,
Because of you.
Written at 18, shortly after the lose of my aunt.